ME.. down low

its been a loong time again since i last wrote on my blog, so latest update is i'm having my emergency and traumatology block at the moment. its half way through already and for various reasons i found myself still in the shades of grey. hehe. and yup, i passed all the subjects for the previous semester. all of it! and some are considered very ok too..

about me, im currently very tensed. very down. and very blurr. i've been thinking about all the possible 'what if' situation and it really gets to me this time around. i felt tired very easily nowadays, and sometimes it affected my health too.

i wasnt the best in previous semester, but im surely not among the worse, in fact, i did pretty well and im so proud of myself for doing that. however, (here comes the negativity), i found that people around me especially my parents think that despite not having the basic needs of a student, i still manage to score, which is true, and i dont deny, but that actually gave them the idea that i might not need all the things after all. sigh.

it came to my attention that my mum is also struggling with her work with her boss sentenced to jail for some reason and i am put in the situation that i am forced to stop hoping, all this while i live with hoping for the best possible outcome, it never really paid off and it hurts but its a lot better than having no hope at all. but now, im on the verge of becoming hopeless. im tensed because i know i cant do anything about it other than pray, i cant talk about it to anyone without the risk of people might actually misinterpret me as 'whining' and the worse part is i cant stop thinking about it. at one point, i said im done thinking. and i stop for a while, and by a while i mean a few seconds untill these shitty things start hitting me back inside my head. im tired.

feel slightly better writing this down.
tired.tensed.down.and done. BYE