acoustic cover 2

acoustic cover 1

the latest me.. (still fat, still the same)

this is the latest me.. shikin wanted to see the pics so i put them on my blog.. haha.. im soo fat that most of the time i'm so embarassed with her, but anything for u darling..

this is me and ipin.. (above)right after the dinner, bloated tummy.. em.. dinner wasn't that bad.. but definitely not as delicious as the previous one.. but ate sooo many of the chickens, beefs n etc..

this is the picture of me and rashid.. (above)

and finally the picture of me alone..(above) haii.. bile la nak kurus ni?? hahaha.. (never think of that actually, so that is my problem).. hehe

SHORT STORY 1 - title : miss her

there he was, lying on the bed.. alone.. he looked at the time on his phone, "god, it is still not her lunch time yet.." he whispered.. dark gloomy room rised an emotionally stressed mood as he stared at the ceiling, waiting for the time to pass by.. here is the thing about time that he could never figure out so far, time is always long for those who is waiting and short, very short indeed for those who don't..

he turned to his right side and grab his fluffy bolster and wrapped his arms around it.. he tried to shut his eyes, wanting to fall asleep.. but he simply can't.. missing someone is that terrible.. and as he moved swiftly to the left side, he realized that his phone was out of sight.. his heart stopped.. it was rather a crazy moment.. like a lightning bolt, he stood fast and spread his vision wide while both hands palpating every inch of the bed.. he found it finally, under his pillow.. what a relieve..

he laid back again, and noticed that it was the right time to make the phone call.. he didn't need to scroll the name on the list, it was as simple as pressing the call button, and the previous dialled number will always be her number.. he pressed the call button again and placed the phone on his right ear.. he started smiling even at the first beep of the phone call.. when she finally picked up, he smiled even more..

-----------BM TRANSLATION---------

her : hello! (cheerful voice with a very noisy background)

him : assalamualaikum....

her : waalaikumussalam.... (with a very cute voice, the kind that soothes the heart of mother-in-laws)

him : what are you doing?

her : im having lunch at the moment, have u finished your exam?

him : yup, it was in the morning, i just get back from solat jumaat..

her : ooh.. how was it?

him : it was ok

her : er.. emm.. sayang, im having lunch..

him : yup, its ok, go ahead.. (2 seconds pause).. i miss you sooo much..

her : i miss you too, its going to be ok, we will meet up soon

him : emm (disagreeing in silence).. ok then.. love u.. mmmuahh3! bye

her : love u too, mmmuahhh3!! bye

--------END OF CONVERSATION---------

he hung up the phone.. smiling wide, probably to himself if not to the ceiling.. (there is no point smiling at the ceiling anyway).. he took the blanket and covered himself in it.. hugging the bolster tight.. shut his eyes slowly.....

it was approximately 30 seconds later when he figured out that there is actually no way he can ever go to sleep.. (sigh).. then the whole circle of things happened again.. holding phone.. staring at it.. pressed the call button once (to check), and waited and at the same time arguing with himself wether or not to press the call button for the 2nd time (to call).. minutes later he decided to press the button, surrendering to the urge and call from the little voice in his head, saying "hello!! just press the damn button and call her and tell her how much u miss her!!!"...

so he called again, and told her he miss her soo much.. and she was either annoyed or touched, he honestly cant tell.. he wanted to give her a call the 3rd time, but he was afraid that by any chance such action could lead to discomfort of her lunch time.. (he can never do anything that he feel would make her feel discomfort as he loves her so much, too much maybe)..

he struggled hard to sleep.. and he made it.. and he slept for 2 hours..

*him/he - ME

*her/she - MY SHIKHIN

THE END

changes..

i am bored, so i publish this post.. i cant sleep and go through all the pictures in my computer and while i glanced over my old pictures, it occured to me - how on earth i end up the way i am now? physically speaking.. its a bit funny.. haha.. so i just want to share this in my blog..

this is what i used to look like after PMR.. i was 14 at the time.. i couldn't believe what i see, can u? hahaha..

this is what i used to be on the grand dinner at the end of my high-school senior year.. age-16. hehe..

and this is a couple of months later when i started my post-school job as a promoter for medical education at education fair malaysian-wide.. age-17

this is what i recently looked like at the age of 20.. different eh? i know.. weird me.. this picture was taken 2 3 months ago..

this is what i looked like at the moment.. haha

i've changed a lot physically.. but i always believe, no matter how much a person changes physically, the foundation that made the person who he or she is will always remain the same.. well, it is supposed to.. goodnight!!

new background

haha.. just feel like trying new background for my blog.. haha.. simpsons.. kinda nice anyway.. i wanted to put fashion background earlier, the one with lots of LV logos and colorful.. just to make my gf jealous, but think of it again, that is too girly for me.. hehe..

Miss her! wanna see her!

im starting to feel frustrated, no, VERY frustrated with the current rumors about hematology short semester.. there is a big chance that i will not be able to go back to malaysia at all.. damn it! so sad.. i really want to go back.. see my family, see her... miss all of them so much.. i heard mama is getting thinner nowadays..

there are lots of things i want to do back in my country.. sigh..

i miss my darling shikhin soooo much.. i keep staring at her pics so many times that i feel even sadder.. i wrote her a song and played it already through the phone.. if she can catch the wordings, she would notice that at the end of second verse, i said "i miss u baby, so why wont u just come to me".. hehe (ayat pancing).. since i cant go back. it would be a dream come true for me if she comes here instead..

here are some pics she send to me recently.. how pretty.. sometimes, nope, most of the time i feel that i dont deserve her..

i dont get it when she said shes fat and all.. i dont think this is even near to fat..

soooooo beautiful.. its like the prettiest being i ever seen.. nobody else is as pretty to me.. and i mean it with every cells of my body..

im tired

I don't know what is happening to me.. I just felt incapable and powerless nowadays.. so many things in my head keep playing again and again to the extend that i felt so sick about it.. im tired of having to consider other people's point of view before making any request or statement.. they all have problems, i know.. but seriously, can somebody, anybody just stop and kindly ask me how the hell im doing over here? it seems that i am the only person to care enough for them.. that is not fair.. i have been doing it since forever, taking myself to the last position in the hierarchy of priority.. prioritize others.. and im deeply and sorely in pain..

i cant even talk about this to shikin.. shes soo busy.. and i don't want to disturb her.. my family, they sounded like they know what im going through here.. but they seriously don't.. and im tired of that.. im just simply tired..

i'll be having practical exams on friday followed by clinical skill exam on the following monday.. back to back.. yet, im far from being ready.. my brain is too occupied with shitty things and as much as im worried right now, i still couldn't find the right mood to study.. i don't blame the problems for making me think soo much.. i, consciously choose to do so.. i have chosen to play over the problems in my head, with an occassional review of my late grandma whom had just passed away.. and im worse than ever.. plus, im having fever and severe cough this few days.. well done me.. that is just great..

can't talk about this with my friends, simply because i am too complicated to be understood by anyone.. (eventho im the best in understanding anyone), and try to find distractions.. just to swift my mind away for at least a minute.. its hard to even find a friend to chat other than my housemates.. hmm..

feeling a bit relieved writing this down.. a bit.. tiny bit.. and that is ok with me