she gave the meaning..

have u ever felt that life is meaningless? well, think again.. perhaps the meaning of life is far beyond your interpretation that u just simply couldnt understand no matter how hard u've tried.. hm.. or perhaps it has so many meanings that u dont know which is which.. 1 thing for sure, it is never meaningless..

i live a life full of uncertainties.. not knowing what will happen next.. afraid of what will happen next, because life isnt always beautiful.. so i always decide to pay more attention to what i already have.. in this case, i emphasize more on my personal relationship with a very special girl in my life..

i am always afraid of losing her, knowing that my life wouldnt be the same without her.. so i choose to do it differently in this relationship.. i tried to eliminate every uncertainties, eradicate every doubts and i want everything to be perfect despite a severe drawback of a long distance relationship.. so i made both of us to promise few essential things to ensure that we wont loose what we had together.. i do this to be certain.. god knows i hate uncertainties.. i live with uncertainties.. but with her.. i just want something different.. i want the best for her.. because no one can ever possibly understand how much i love her and that i want everything that is best for her..

i dont care and will never care to what extend i have to sacrifice just to make her happy and i know one day she will realized that..i have sacrificed a lot, so much that i can be proud of myself and will keep sacrificing and not even for 1 second that i ever wish she could have done the same.. for whatever worth doing, no matter how hard it is, i always do it anyway.. why? because i am nothing compared to her and it will be my honor to prioritize the person that i love.. my biggest mistake is i am paranoid of lies.. not because i dont trust her, but because i love her too much that i want to be certain all the time.. i wish one day she will realize how much im afraid of losing her.. that i always have reason to do everything and that such reason might and might not be told to her.. my paranoia can sometimes hurt her and i swear i would never intentionally hurt her..

i always felt that i dont deserve anything in the world, but with her, i felt that everything does not matter anymore.. she is everything i ever wanted.. she is my everything..  she gives me meaning of my life.. and such meaning my dear readers, are the most beautiful meaning of all those in world that demand understanding.. and such feeling has no listed word in dictionary to reflects upon.. i have done everything i could possibly done to make her happy.. she might see what i did yesterday and see it again today separately.. so she never really has the chance to look back of everything.. everything..  one day she will see everything all at once and she will realized.. she will..